My Kirby Puckett Interview

When Kirby Puckett died, I wrote a story on myyarn (look for the entry posted March 6) about growing up as a fan of Kirby Puckett. In that reflection, I mentioned the interview I did with Kirby on my radio talk show circa 1997-2000.

He was in town for glaucoma screenings (in the Miami area) and was making brief media appearances to promote testing and his public appearances. There was also a hurricane coming toward us. Here's the link to johnvano.com where the audio is posted- Enjoy!

SpongeBob has a new fan--me!

I have a new appreciation for SpongeBob Squarepants.

When I first heard of this strange creature, I wasn't sure what to make of all the positive publicity and joyous acceptance him--particularly among adults. After quizzing a co-worker on his appeal... (read more)

NCAA Results & Rambling on Sports

Congratulations to Florida for their first basketball title--just glad that UCLA didn't win. I fared horribly in my predictions, but save for the Syracuse Orangemen's Big East title game, I didn't watch any college basketball this season. Oh, I turned on a game or two, and even had tonight's final on in the background--but I only watched with interest one game. I used to be there for every post-season game of MLB, NFL, NBA, NCAA basketball... but now I hardly watch the seasons, and only dip in for the postseason. To say nothing of the World Baseball Classic--what a joke. I wanted to watch Clemens pitch, but couldn't find the game on anywhere--terrible publicity and coverage for that stupid thing. I will say this though, I love the NFL, and watch TONS of it, and every year I try to get into college football, and each year I do a bit more. MLB has slipped in my mind, but I'm very excited about this season: Go Twins, Red Sox, Marlins!

My Fearless NCAA Prediction results: 32-31. If I had just picked the higher seed in each game: 40-24. Oh well.

5 Things I've Never Done

1. Worn a choker (it's a necklace, guys!)
2. Eaten eyes, tails, ears, or feet of land animals
3. Eaten at Krystal
4. Surfed
5. Modeled underwear (publicly)

Read 5 more things I've never done

The Fart

While waiting in line for the "Teacups" ride at Walt Disney World this week, I was suddenly and completely overtaken by the most ghastly odor... Finish the tale at johnvano.com

Nocturnal Diatribe

I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP! I just went into our bedroom to find: sleeping wife, her light on, TV on, bathroom light on, my light off. I quietly tip-toed over to my lamp, clicked it on (so it's ready for me when I go to bed), and walked over toward the bathroom.

Twenty seconds later, what should I hear? The following is an actual dialogue between myself and my waking wife:

She: WHAT?!
She: What happened?
She: What did I do?
Me: (Chuckling silently)
She: Did you turn all the lights on?!
Me: (Hiding in the bathroom) No.
She: Did I do something??
She: Did I DO SOMETHING?
She: Answer me--Did I do something!?
Me: Yeah, sometime.
She: What happened?

At this, she climbed out of bed and walked over to me, her eyes just slits, and her hair askew. At which point we had an actual two-way dialogue and sorted out the fact that she had left the lights and TV on and that I was not attempting to shake her awake (a point which we establish almost every night when I quietly move about the bedroom).

She's back to sleep now, and I just paid some bills. Isn't life great? I love her nocturnal diatribes--they crack me up. Most of the time, I don't even need to say anything...

Sex Ed By Way of Animal Planet

I'm so glad that my nearly 7-year-old daughter has found something clean, educational, and non-kid that she really likes to watch on the Telly. She LOVES "Animal Planet," which is so cool. I'm convinced she's going to be a veterinarian based on her passion for animals, and her pretty strong desire not to eat them! Don't know where that comes from--though when I fed her lunch on Saturday she squealed, "Daddy, I love meat!" as she ate her ham. I didn't want to spoil it for her by disclosing that she was eating pig.

My "Animal Planet" house of cards came tumbling down, however, when I overheard the announcer intoning recently about different mating patterns of various mammals. My wife and I screamed in unison, "Turn it off! Turn it off!" We've got to have "the talk", before I let some polar bear give her all the visuals.

I'm so tough

Okay, who am I kidding? I didn't do the juice diet at all today, but just carried around the bottle. I opted to have breakfast, but ate with my health in mind--enjoying a Fruit and Yogurt Parfait from McDonald's--those things are great. Oh, and I broke my Coke fast with a LARGE one for breakfast. It felt so right. I have decided that if I drink just one soda every 4 days--that's very moderate and should serve me well.

For lunch, I ate healthy and stayed away from the fried foods--I actually ate Middle-Eastern! And for dinner, I just grazed on ham, 2 crackers, a small glass of milk, cheese, and a Girl Scout cookie--all this while I served the kids their dinner.

And the best part of all--from Tuesday morning to Thursday morning, I had lost 5 pounds! Of course, I had a hard time with it when my wife announced this morning that she too had lost 5 pounds--what did you DO, I accused? I just felt like that wasn't fair--I starved myself, and she cheated! Oh well, as I've said, I'm very supportive and happy for her... but where is the justice?

Fearless NCAA Predictions

Here's my 2006 Final Four:
1) Duke, 3) Gonazaga, 3) North Carolina, 3) Florida.

North Carolina defeats Duke 77-72 for the world title.


The Elite Eight will be: Duke, Iowa, Kansas, Gonzaga, UConn, NC, Villanova, and Florida.

The Sweet 16: Syracuse, Texas, Memphis, Alabama, Illinois, Tenn, Nevada, Georgetown, plus those shown above. The one-win-and-done teams are: George Washington, LSU, W. Virginia, Cal, Arkansas, Pitt, SD State, UCLA, Kentucky, Utah St., Michigan St., Seton Hall, Wisconsin, BC, Wisc-Milw, and Davidson.

First Round Upsets: 15) Davidson to top 2) Ohio State; 12) Utah State over Washington; 11) Wisc-Milw over 6) Oklahoma; 11) SD State over 6) Indiana; 10) Seton Hall beats 7) Wichita State; and 10) Alabama defeats 7) Marquette. ...And I pick Monmouth over Hampton in the play-in game.

More Tales of My Celebrity Fit Club

Today I continued The Original Celebrity Juice Diet, going hour after consecutive hour--without food. I drove Madison to school this morning, with the other four kids tagging along, where we'd meet up with Paula who was attending a parent-teacher conference. On the way, I got the kids breakfast at Krispy Kreme. I sat in the driver's seat and pulled one donut after another out of the bag, passing them back in easy-to-use napkin holders.

One particular donut was stuck to the bottom of the bag, and I had to use my bare hands to yank it out. It was warm and it oozed with freshness, leaving sticky flakes of glaze all over my fingers. Ordinarily, I would have licked this off--but I showed the restraint of a Benedictine monk, by calmly wiping the frosting off with a napkin. Meanwhile, the twins tossed their chocolate-covered with sprinkles donuts on the floor of the van because "they didn't like them." Ugh.

I made it through lunch this time without too much trouble--no lunch invitations--and I was so hungry for my juice at noon that I had a hard time drinking it slow.

Following an afternoon meeting it was 5:15, and I got in the car thinking about the shakes at Steak and Shake. I called Paula to give her an update on my whereabouts, then asked her how the diet was going. She guffawed. She hadn't been doing the diet all day! She had stopped and hadn't told me! The juice made me retch, she said. Well, thanks for telling ME, I wanted to scream. I was appalled--and couldn't believe that this thing I was doing for her--for us, and for our future, and our children's future--she had just "stopped" hours ago! I felt like such a fool. I wanted to know what she cheated on me with... was it a breakfast sandwich, a bagel, a coke? Or had she held out until lunch at least?

To think, I had been feeling really good about my progress--when I awoke this morning I learned that I had lost a pound, and by this writing, I am completing my third day without a soda. When I learned the news, I had the thought that, "I'll show her... I'll finish this diet, lose my ten pounds--and I'll have done it." But I was too hungry, and now I had Steak and Shake on the mind. If I was going to get off this ride, I was going to do it right, so I drove home looking for Steak and Shake. Amazing how many McDonald's there are... but I drove for an hour before finally giving in to Checkers. I gobbled down a Champ with cheese burger (two patties on that--mustard never tasted so good), had a couple of fries (meet Mr. Restraint), and a small chocolate shake.

For a few minutes there I wasn't hungry--and I wasn't full... Nirvana. But about a half an hour later, I felt a little sick. From Monday night to Tuesday lunch, I went 10 hours sans food. And then from after lunch Tuesday to dinner time Wednesday, I went 29.5 hours without solid food. Wow.

Plans for tomorrow? I'm going to do the juice for at least one meal, possibly two. I had planned on doing this through Thursday, so this will be my Hybrid-Juice Diet, if this system works, I might be able to sell mine to the stars! Plus, I'm determined to get something out of this starvation diet--I will not suffer like this for naught!