Why does Burger King taste so bad? They do well with their cini-minis and their pies... but what about the rest? No one would mistake any fast food with "real food." No matter how hard you try, you just can't buy meat from the store, cook it, and have it come out like the franchises do. I'm not complaining, I happen to enjoy what McDonald's and Wendy's come up with in the hamburger department... so why can't I say the same for BK?

Why do I get unrefreshably bad breath when I eat there? Why does everything they touch taste like cardboard? Why does their bread chew like something from the space program? I want them to succeed, and I keep trying to eat there... but it's just not working for me. After I give in and go, I'm always disgusted with myself for being so weak - and I vow never to return again.

But I must say, I dig "The King." Maybe it's my nostalgia kicking in, because I was a fan of the goofy '70s "King" during my midwestern upbringing... though some of today's ads are a "miss," I love the subversive whimsy of the idea.

Trouble is, even the new and frou-frou selections Burger King has tried, fall short of the mark. But that's just me.